W(hy)TH Do I Have Throw Pillows?

Why the hell…

WTH do I have throw pillows? I mean, seriously. I have these throw pillows that are awesome. They are huge and kind of fluffy/shaggy, in shades of cream and silvery. I place them nicely on my couch…and five minutes later, they are on my floor. Or being thrown across the room. Or smushed underneath someone’s head. Hell, they’ve probably been peed on.  Why do I have them? What is the point??

WTH does my three-year old draw a picture in his Sunday school class EVERY Sunday, that I’m supposed to KEEP?? Every Sunday….the sweet teacher lines up the children’s artwork out in the hall, with the intent that we will take it home with us, and…what?  Hang on my refrigerator the piece of white paper with ONE red squiggly crayon line on it? Every Sunday, without exception, I pretend I don’t see it sitting there and start to walk off, until the teacher says, “Don’t forget DD’s artwork”.  Craaaaaaaap.

WTH do I curl up on the couch with my kids and a cup of coffee EVERY morning, when EVERY morning the coffee cup gets bumped, coffee sloshes, and I get pissed?  Actually, I don’t do that.  My husband does.  But WTH? This literally has been going on for 7 years now.

WTH do I always order salad from chick-fil-a…with basically NUGGETS on it….and feel better about myself than if I’d just ordered nuggets? If I’d only ordered the nuggets, I wouldn’t have had the extra calories from the cheese and ranch that I requested be put on my salad

WTH do I say things to my kids like this: “you can’t have any ice cream until you eat your [hot dog and cheetos] [nuggets and fries] [taco]? WTH does it matter at this point? Since this whole meal is basically nutrionally crap, what does it matter if you just skip straight to the ice cream?

WTH do I not brush my 18 month olds teeth as regularly as my other two children? The other two get theirs brushed every morning and night. My 18 month old, though? It’s more just whenever I happen to think about it, which, let’s be honest, is not terribly often.  It’s like I don’t think his teeth are real, or something.

His teeth are real

WTH do we have “family photos” done? Exactly NOTHING about the ordeal makes any sense.  We are basically documenting a lie.  We all yelled at each other on the WAY to the session.  We are yelling at each other in BETWEEN each shot.  No one is wearing an outfit they would ever wear in real life (my kids wear underwear and rain boots at home, pretty much as a rule of their thumb.)  But we will smile in the midst of the pain, we will post it on social media, and we WILL plaster that shiz all over our walls at home.  To remember the special moment? Why??

Finally…WTH do we all keep buying the exact same freaking gift bags from target (you know…those big solid colored ones, or if you are feeling extra fancy, you get the striped.  Usually blue or red), and white tissue paper, and putting toys for each other’s kids inside of them, to bring to the birthday party?  Our kids don’t give a CRAP about presentation.  I quit giving cards a long time ago, and I feel great about that decision.  Solely so that other parents don’t judge me though, I do continue to put gifts in bags. WTH can’t all of us parents have some unspoken agreement that from now on, we show up at the party with the toy.  Not in a bag, just the toy.  Imagine all the things we could do with the money we would save?

What WTH’s do YOU have??

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